This is the first of two articles regarding Kurt Cobain’s suicide.

April 5, marks the ten-year anniversary of The Day The Alternative World Stood Still. It has been a decade since Kurt Cobain was found dead in his Washington home.

Though the story is well documented: “Cobain, leader of Nirvana, was found dead of an apparent shotgun blast to the head,” as Kurt Loder told the world via an MTV New Break; the conspiracy theory is more remembered. Was it Krist Novoselic? Was it Courtney Love? You can find books, movies, articles and web sites all dedicated to revealing the truth behind the final moments of one of the greatest American songwriters and musicians.

But the point remains: Kurt Cobain died that April morning, and left a generation of flannel-wearing teenagers without their reluctant icon.

Death at age 27 is common in the music world. Jim Morrison (The Doors), Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Chris Bell (Big Star), Dennes Boon (Minutemen), Robert Johnson, Brian Jones (Rolling Stones), Jimmy McCulluch (Wings) Pigpen McKerman (Grateful Dead) Gary Thain (Uriah Heep) and Jason Thirsk (Pennywise) were all 27 years old.

What is most unsettling aspect of Cobain’s death is also it’s most debated – suicide. Suicide is more heartbreaking for fans than any other cause of death, and it is also the hardest to stomach.

From a selfish standpoint, musician suicide seems like theft. More times than not, we don’t know these musicians – they are not our friends, our family or our neighbors. Outside of their bodies of work, we need nothing from them. In return, we ask for nothing more. By taking their lives, musicians end their lone purpose to us, and offer no substitute for the hours of anticipated joy we expected from them in the future.

In cases like last October’s suicide of Elliott Smith (who’s conspiracy theory is eerily similar to Cobain’s), each album was topped by his next – leaving many of us to question the greatness which ultimately laid ahead. Yet, a death in his song-writing prime will inevitably lead to the legal battle for the posthumous double-album of material which Smith had reportedly finished, restarted and finished again several times. However, when dealing with any posthumous recording, questions remain regarding each songs finality. Would the artist have gone back to change something? Is this the track listing/order which was intended? Certain things will never be answered.

Beyond selfish reasons, suicide is also the most troubling death. By the nature of their profession, musicians provide entertainment. Lyrics, concerts and everything involved in the musical experience brings happiness. This is why rock’n’roll suicides are so hard to grasp. It is upsetting to think people who bring so much joy to others, are unable to bring any to themselves.

What is equally as disturbing, is musicians have an open avenue to purge their demons. Artistic expression is one of the most commonly used stress-relievers. Just imagine how much pain and anguish a person must be going through, when every moment of their life is spent eradicating their troubles, and are still unable to cope.

Finally, the most upsetting aspect of suicide stems from feeling helpless. Granted, the feeling pales in comparison to the hopelessness envisioned by the victim, but it is strong all the same.
John Lennon was murdered. There was nothing anyone could do to prevent that. People like Joey Ramone, Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer and George Harrison died of natural causes. Even tragic deaths such as Otis Redding and Buddy Holly (and all those who died in flight crashes), or Tim Buckley, Sid Vicious and James Honeyman-Scott (and the countless other drug overdoses) can’t compare to suicide. These deaths seem out of our hands, and if fate exists, these deaths seem to be proof certain people are marked.

Suicide victims leave those closest to them questioning what could have been changed and done differently. Taking your own life can only be caused by personal despair, which will ultimately leave your loved ones asking why they didn’t notice the pain. Each person feels as if he/she could have helped in one way or another. In many cases, nobody will ever know the real reasons why someone takes their life.

Yet, suicide seems to deify the victim. From Cobain and Smith, dating back to Ian Curtis, Nick Drake and Jim Ellison, the deceased live on as memories of tormented artists. Somehow the great ones always find ways to stay great. Unfortunately, it can come at the highest costs.

Northern Star Online, April 6, 2004